Saturday, October 4, 2008 by Daniel

Kettlebellinda: DNF

Some days, it's just not there.

* 17 hour fast *


(Beg./Int. version)
Kettlebell Clean & Push-Press 1.5 pood left
Kettlebell Swing 1.5 pood
Kettlebell Clean & Push-Press 1.5 pood right

DNF. Sort of made it through round 3 (8).

Here's a recreation of my inner dialogue during this workout. 3-2-1 go!

Round 10, starting with the C&J:
Shoulder: "Whoa! That's really heavy. This is Shoulder to Brain. Brain, are you sure this is the right weight?"
Brain: "Brain to Shoulder. Kettlebell is black. 1.5 pood. Proceed."
Shoulder: "Uhm. OK..."

C&J. Pullup. KB Swing.

Shoulder: "Brain, it's Shoulder again. We're getting some weird clicking noises down here, and some signals that could be pain..."
Brain: "Bad pain?"
Shoulder: "Negative, just some aching. And clicking."
Brain: "Probably just needs to warm up. Proceed."
Hands: "Uhm, hey Brain? This kind of hurts."
Brain: "Are you bleeding?"
Hands: "No, but..."
Brain: "Proceed."

Pushup. C&J.

Shoulder: "OK, wow. Brain, this is too much weight."
Brain: "No it isn't. Proceed."
Shoulder: "Uhm, you do realize you're asking me to put this weight directly above you, right?"
Brain: "So be careful."
Shoulder: *mutter*
Hands: "Ow."
Brain: "What's wrong?"
Hands: "Well, I think it's 'cause it's really humid, what with the rain and all, and.."
Brain: "It's humid? Are you fucking kidding me?"
Hands: "No, well, it's that and those bar kips plus climbing yesterday, I think I may have..."
Brain: "Hands. You're being a little bitch. You don't want to be a little bitch, do you?"
Hands: ""
Brain: "So shut up."
Hands: "...ok."

Round 9:
Shoulder: "Really, this is bad, here. I'm not kidding."
Brain: "FINE. If you're going to be an asshole about it, just do half volume on the jerks."
Shoulder: "ok, I can try that."
Ankle: "Hey, guys?"
Brain & Shoulder: "Shut up!"
Ankle: "uh...ok."

C&J, Pullup, Swings

Shoulder: "Pain signals are pretty frequent now. This shouldn't be happening on swings. I know how to do swings."
Hands: "Yeah, I'm getting pain signals, too."
Shoulder: "Shut up, Hands. You don't count."
Hands: "Fine, jeez. Asshole."
Brain: "Just work through it. It'll be fine."

Pushup, C&J

Shoulder: "OK, no. Even half volume. Just no. "
Brain: "What about just cleans. Can you do that?"
Shoulder: "Yeah, that should be ok."
Hands: "Cleans hurt, too."
Brain: "Quit bitching, hands."

Round 8:
Shoulder: "Cleans are not so bad."
Brain: "Great. Maybe we'll get through this in under an hour, at this rate."

Cleans, Pullups, Swings

Shoulder: "Ow! Shit! Really, Ow! Abort!"
Brain: "Really?"
Shoulder: "Really."
Brain: "OK, I'm calling it. DNF. You guys suck, you know that?"
Shoulder: "Fuck you, Brain."
Hands: "Yay!"


Rebecca said...


I'm so lucky to have a husband who's so in touch with his inner self. And so FRICKIN' hilarious!

Maximus Lewin said...

My God this is funny!

Evelyn Rodas said...

You are hilarious and have an unbelievable potty mouth :) I can totally imagine your alone time play sessions with little plastic soldiers, or whatever else you played with as a child. Your parents were no doubt quite entertained...and likely believed you'd go into theater.

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