Saturday, September 13, 2008 by Daniel

The weirdest damn "diet" I've ever been on

Yesterday I had to cram 2400 calories of fat and protein into four hours. Today it was six.

This is not easy to do. The fasting has, I think, shrunk my stomach, so that a "normal" size meal is quite filling. So you wind up with situations like I had tonight: finding yourself with 2 hours to go and only 900 calories in the bank.

"Oh, shit!" you say to yourself, "I better get busy!"

So you cram down some EXTREMELY filling high-fat pesto-tofu-mozzarella salad, and toss a protein shake on top of that, and then half an hour later go out to Thai food where, still feeling stuffed, you fill up your plate and eye it in much the same way you might eye a 95# bar before your third round of thrusters. Then you mumble and groan and complain about how fucking full you are, and you've still failed to hit your caloric and protein goals for the day, but not TOO badly.

Diet, my ass.


brian said...

If you can bring yourself to do it, drinking olive oil can make this a fair bit easier.

Maximus Lewin said...

I have never had a problem with olive oil shots. I don't know what the big deal is. I did once eat plain butter to make a "Blue Thunder" Zone. So horrifying.

Rebecca said...

I am afraid to ask ... but the curiosity is winning ... What on earth is a "blue thunder" zone?

Evelyn Rodas said...

Did you read in Starting Strength, where Mark Rippetoe says that he puts everything he can't eat in the blender and drinks it. OMG, talk about nasty.
Rebecca, you don't want to know what Blue Thunder is, really.
American Body Building - BLUE THUNDER 22OZ 20/CS Information:

Calories 310
Cholesterol 5 mg
Total Carbohydrate 43 g
Sugars 17 g
Protein 32 g
Niacin 10 mg
Phosphorus (as phosphoric acid) 1.27 g
Sodium (from water, maltodextrin and whey protein isolate) 290 mg
Potassium (from whey protein isolate, as potassium sorbate and potassium benzoate) 190 mg
Caffeine (as caffeine anhydrous) 58 mg
Chromium (as chromium picolinate) 60 mcg

ABB Blue Thunder Sport Drink is a great tasting Power Activator, which combines technological innovation with the highest quality power packed ingredients available. ABB Blue Thunder is also a source of 32 grams of one of the highest quality Proteins available, and is an excellent source of complex and simple carbohydrates.

ABB Blue Thunder Sport Drink Post-Workout & Lean Mass Gain Sports Drink.
Concerned about over-training? Don’t take chances. Realize the recuperative properties of Mass Recovery™, Lean Recovery, and Blue Thunder®. Replenish muscle glycogen stores fast with Carbo Force® to help ensure tomorrow’s workout is even better than today’s. Hardgainer? Need some serious calories? Get the fastest fuel on the planet with Extreme XXL™. Just one bottle provides over 1,000 quality calories!

ABB Blue Thunder Sport Drink

Best ways to use American Body Building - BLUE THUNDER 22OZ 20/CS :
ABB Blue Thunder - Drink 1 bottle per day, or as recommended by a professional trainer.
(Sorry you asked, aren't ya?)

Daniel said...

Wow, that sounds about as non-real as today's "foods" come. I see now what your comment meant, in order to make this paragon of modern advertising Zone, you needed to consume, what, 14 grams of fat? That's a little over a tablespoon, by my reckoning.

Ew. Nasty. But at least your butter didn't come with an avalanche of mega-words like "extreme" and "force."

Can you imagine? "Eat EXTREME Butter, the most concentrated form of pure dairy fat available! Mooooooorrrrrawr!" It would, of course, be emblazoned with an illustration of some jacked-up cow with totally ripped udders.

Evelyn Rodas said...

Totally ripped udders? Don't they use balm to avoid the ripping of the udders?...

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